Home
>
Weight Loss
>
Frankie The French Fry Hatches A Plan

Frankie The French Fry Hatches A Plan

Frankie saddled up to the bar at the We-Stuff-Em-All Diner, official headquarters of Fat For A New America. He turned to his most portly friend, Bubba the Burger, and launched a tirade. "If we don't do something now, we could lose all our progress, twenty-five years of expanding and accumulating straight down the drain--if you catch my flow." "Did you call the others?" Bubba asked. "Yeah. Sophie and Bunnie are on the way. I told them we needed an emergency meeting." "What about Mickey?" Bubba continued. "Holy preservatives, I forgot him. Let me borrow your cell." Bubba passed him the phone.

Sophie The Soft Drink and Bunnie The Bun waddled through the front door, followed by Mickey The Malt a few minutes later. The group moved to the corner booth, brainstorm central for all Fat For A New America founders. "We face a potential shrinkage crisis," Frankie began. "We need to bind together and map out a new strategy." "For the love of lard, Frankie, give us a break," Sophie started. "We've already captured over two thirds of the entire population, half of them with over 30 pounds each of good ol', genuine American-made blubber. We're killin' `em out there." "You don't get it, Sophie," Frankie argued adamantly. "Even though we've trapped the overwhelming majority, not a single one of `em wants us to stick around-so to speak. If we give them any kind of opening, we're history." "Not only that," Bubba added, "our enemies the vegetables don't care. They're quite happy to be consumed and eliminated without leaving anything behind-no future, no legacy, nothing to show at all." "I never understood that mentality," Mickey piped in. "No vision whatsoever-way too small-minded, if you see what I mean." "Yeah, very thin thinking," Bunnie chimed.

"For flab's sake, enough chatter," ordered Frankie. "Time to glob together. We need to neutralize the threats once and for all. Sophie, you've been dealing with enemy number two, fruit. What's your report?" "Good news on all fronts," Sophie responded. "Operation Can `Em or Juice `Em is processing at full speed. We took out most of Poppa Pear and trapped him in chemicals inside a can, turned Abe Apple into either sauce or sugar-laden drinks and created a whole line of fake juices that confuse almost everybody into believing that they're getting real fruit when actually the whole bottle has less than 10%. The rest is all water, sugar and colorings-perfect for fat conversion." "Well lumberin' love handles, that's excellent." Frankie wiped the grease from his brow. "As we grow that operation, we'll control the fruit market-get rid of those who act too fresh. Bubba, you have a another proposal?" "Yeah. It's called Salt, Sweeten & Stimulate-a movement that we have total control over." Bubba gazed around the table. "All of us play a corpulent role."

Bubba chortled at his best pal. "Frankie, you first. Can you add more salt to your ingredients?" "Sure, Bubba. No problem." "More salt will cause more bloating since it can only stay in humans in saline. More bloating, more weight, less exercise, more need for stimulants, you get the drift-which leads me to you Sophie. Can you bump up your caffeine content?" "Whatever the cause calls for, Bubba." Bubba gloated chubbily. "More stimulants, higher highs, quicker crashes, more cravings for sugar. That's where you come in, Mickey. Can you double your sweetness?" "For sure, my bulbous brother." Bubba's lips dripped with oil. "More sugar, more fat storage, more spikes and less energy for anything that could dissolve us in any way." Bubba drooled with gluttony. "Bunnie, you're last-the hostess with the mostest-the one that holds us all together. I want you to do it all-more salt to your deliciously nutritionless processed flour; a sugar glazing to the top of each bun; more sugar in the mix; and chemicals that will bind and bind and bind." Bubba laughed so hard he almost lost his mustard. "If we work together, we'll form more tires than Goodyear," Bubba gleefully declared. "Our place in history forever anchored to their mid-rifts."

"Outstanding," Frankie praised. "Truly gelatinous. But we still have to deal with enemy number one-those vile vegetables." "We're making some progress, Frankie," Bunnie chirped. "We got ketchup classified as a vegetable in the school system and packed it full of both sugar and salt-addict `em while they're young and defenseless." "It's not the sauces I'm worried about," Frankie espoused. "We've crammed most of them with salt or sugar or both. The greenies pose our biggest challenge, Artie Artichoke, Gretta Green Bean and our archrival, Sallie Salad. If they gain any momentum, they might get into a zone. Remember, they produce slow-burning fuel and disappear without a trace-a total waste! If humans get hip, we'll go the way of the glacier-melt city!" Frankie mopped more grease from his tubby cheeks. "As much as we all hate salads, we need more sugar and salt on those veggies-drown their virtues in creaminess, sweetness and glutomates. We need an ally on the inside. I say we call Deirdre-Deirdre The Dressing Queen. I know that's extreme, so let's take a vote."

One by one, the Fat For A New America founders thrust their pudgy hands into the center of the council and gave the thumbs up. In one voice, they began to chant, faster and faster to the final, oversized crescendo: "Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, MOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE fat, fat!!!" "Meeting adjourned," ordered Frankie. "A waist is a terrible thing to mind-let's eat." TO BE CONTINUED?

Author Ridgely Goldsborough co-founded The YoungSlim Lifestyle, an integrated approach to weight-management and anti-aging that can be reviewed in streaming video at http://www.youngslim.com. Ridgely can be emailed directly at http://www.youngslim.com.

shuttle to Midway Beardstown .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Google’s scam detection features, powered by artificial intelligence, are a significant step forward in safeguarding Android users from fraud.

The FBI has issued a warning that scammers are impersonating doctors, police and banks using spoofed numbers as "smishing" texts surge nationwide.

Communities with unreliable internet service stand to gain after Amazon's Project Kuiper launched its first full batch of satellites into orbit April 28.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says unsubscribing from spam might actually backfire. Learn when to avoid it and stop junk effectively.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how the first nonstop beating heart transplant, called zero ischemic time, at Taiwan hospital changes surgery.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson: FBI warns of "time-traveling" hackers.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about a soft, vine-like robot called SPROUT that aids safe survivor rescues in collapsed buildings.

Health insurance giant Blue Shield of California confirmed it had been sharing private health data of 4.7 million users with Google for three years without even realizing it.

Delta and JetZero’s blended wing body aircraft marks a meaningful step toward a cleaner, quieter and more efficient future for air travel.

Recent reports show many common passwords can be cracked in literally seconds. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how to strengthen your passwords.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Iron, a robot that stands 5 feet, 8 inches tall and weighs 154 pounds, combines advanced artificial intelligence with human-like movement and exceptional vision.

Hertz, the rental car giant, recently confirmed that customer information was exposed through a cyberattack on one of its software vendors.

There are a number of features with AirPods you may or may not know about to take your listening experience to the next level. Kurt the CyberGuy explains.

These 35 Chrome extensions have privacy and security concerns. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says to delete them now.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 329,000 mph fusion rocket promises to be fast, disruptive and enable deep-space missions.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says a new autonomous AI is a game changer that also raises privacy risks. Is your data safe?

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says robots and drones are revolutionizing fruit farming with faster picking and smarter handling.

Landmark Admin revises May 2024 cyberattack scope to show twice as many people were affected. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives tips to help stay safe from an insurance data breach.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how Yamaha’s hydrogen outboard motor could revolutionize boating with zero emissions.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how to memorialize or remove a deceased loved one’s Facebook account and protect their digital legacy from misuse or scams.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says an Apple Watch saved psychiatrist Amanda Faulkner by detecting deadly leukemia early.

Scammers and fraudsters are increasingly targeting the most vulnerable, especially nursing homes and the personal data of their residents. Kurt the CyberGuy has safety tips.

Infected USB flash drives can spread malware among multiple organizations in ways that can easily bypass traditional security systems.

Frankie The French Fry Hatches A Plan

Weight Loss