Calming The Voice of Stress

But how can this happen to someone?

Let's concentrate on how these illnesses affect the way we value the self. Of all of the destructive patterns of behavior these illnesses cause, the way a sufferer talks to the self is the fuel that maintains their illness.

I have experienced depression from two sides. For 5 years, a series of traumatic events triggered a personal nightmare I believed would never end. One of these events came when my lover was diagnosed with depression. At this time, I too had entered into the spiral of anxiety-induced depression. Both of these experiences have given me an insight into how sufferers destroy any value of the self.

Let me give a couple of examples. With my partner, if I'd arranged an evening out with friends, she'd say:

"No, I won't come, you go without me. I never have anything interesting to say. I just bore people. They'll find me an effort to be with. I'll stay here."

If I made a mistake, I'd say to myself:

"I'm useless. I'm no good at anything. Everything I do I get wrong."

This self-deprecation then spreads into other areas of life. You begin to criticize the way you look, the decisions you make or don't make, and you focus solely on the downside of life. Each time a little bit of self-worth, a little bit of self-respect and a little bit of self-confidence are eroded. Eventually, they are lost completely. When I reached my lowest point, having lost everything and everyone I loved, I'd say to myself:

"If I died tomorrow, no one would know and no one would care."

So, what helped me to come out of the fog?

Well, the reason I thought I'd become depressed was because of a series of traumatic events occurring at the same time. I was wrong. The root cause of my depression lay in the ways I reacted to them. One of the ways I'd reacted was to blame myself for events I couldn't control. The more I blamed myself, the more I beat myself up. The more I beat myself up, the more my self-esteem decreased.

The phrases I have used to briefly illustrate self-deprecating phrases we continually use against the self are mild. I'm sure you realize that many people use much stronger phrases than I've given here. The point is that these phrases would be totally unacceptable to say to others. You wouldn't tell a person that they were boring, an effort to be with and that everyone found their company dull and it would be better for everyone else if they kept away from people.

Agreed?

Yet, if I say to people:

"Pay yourself compliments. Accentuate your good in all areas of your life. Write down your good points, your triumphs, your achievements. Remind yourself as often as possible about all the good you have done."

They look at me like I'm an alien and say they'd feel stupid. Or uncomfortable. Or even embarrassed.

Yet they don't feel any of these emotions when they talk to themselves using emotionally charged, self-deprecating phrases! And like rust upon metal, these phrases gradually erode our self-esteem and our confidence.

OK, here's the bottom-line. I'd like you to inscribe what you are about to read into your mind over and over again until it is permanently etched there:

It is NEVER acceptable to talk to myself in a way I know is inappropriate and even offensive if I spoke in the same way to others.

Time for me to sign off, but before I do, here's a phrase I say to myself every single day without fail. Please use it, it is very powerful:

"If you put yourself down, down is where you will stay."

Chris Green is the author of the new book "Conquering Stress", a special program which will show you how to conquer stressful illnesses such as depression, anxiety, panic and worry permanently and without taking powerful drugs. You can learn more about this new book and purchase it at http://www.conqueringstress.com

In The News:

Scientists have discovered a stellar system where the formation of planets might take place in dust and gas rings within a “warped circumstellar disc around multiple stars.”

A Texas city released nightmarish video this week showing piles of ants floating in floodwaters caused by Tropical Storm Beta.

Damage to coastal areas in Alabama and along the Florida Panhandle has been revealed in new aerial imagery.

Photos of a baby gorilla and its mother have gone viral after the mother was spotted cuddling the miniature mammal.

When a shark attacked her husband during a snorkeling trip in the Florida Keys, his pregnant wife didn't think twice, jumping out of a boat to pull him to safety, a sheriff's deputy said.

In an Atlantic hurricane season that's broken records, a tropical system managed to come back to life a week after hitting Bermuda.

Enceladus, Saturn's mysterious moon that could support life, may be more geologically active than previously thought, according to a new study.

An asteroid will have an "extremely close encounter" with Earth on Thursday, when it flies by the planet at a distance of fewer than 20,000 miles, according to the Virtual Telescope Project.

An invasive bug is spreading in the Northeast and sparking serious problems for apple orchards, with some orchard owners saying they are dealing with thousands of spotted lanternflies a day.

The devastating storm surge from Hurricane Sally that swamped the Gulf Coast last week has left thousands of starfish washed up on one beach in Florida.

Calming The Voice of Stress

Stress Management Stress Management