The Jerk is Never Me

Comedian George Carlin once remarked, "Have your ever noticed? Anyone going slower than you is an idiot. Anyone going faster than you is a maniac."

When we observe someone else's behavior -- especially negative behavior -- we attribute it to their personality. But when we make a mistake ourselves, we are inclined to blame the situation.

Thus, when I'm driving fast, it's not because I'm a "maniac" but because I'm in a hurry. My fast driving is no reflection on my character, but rather the result of a rushed situation.

Similarly, if you accidentally break something, you tend to explain it as caused by the situation, e.g., that the object was slippery or that the handle came loose. On the other hand, if your child breaks something you are more apt to conclude that he's careless.

Here's another example. Suppose your spouse or roommate asked you to pick up some milk on the way home, and you forgot. You'd probably explain your forgetting in situational terms, e.g., that it was a busy day or that more important things were demanding your attention.

Now assume the tables were turned, and it was the other person who forgot to buy milk. Quite likely you would view this lapse as a reflection of their personality; e.g., that the other person is inconsiderate, insensitive or perhaps just plain stupid.

This discrepancy in how we explain our own actions, as opposed to those of others is called the "fundamental attribution error." It's always the other guy who's the jerk.

Psychologists have been studying this phenomenon for several decades, and offer the following explanation: When we watch other people, we notice their behavior more than their situation. Conversely, when observing ourselves we are more attuned to the situation than to our own behavior.

Another reason for the bias in attribution is that it preserves our self-esteem. After all, if I accidentally break something, it is more desirable for me to look to the situation for an explanation, rather than to attribute it to a personal defect.

But this bias in attribution can have unpleasant consequences. When you look to circumstances to explain what went wrong, you are more apt to assign blame. This in turn fires up your "inner brat" ? that immature part of your psyche that whines and complains and tries to convince you that your misery is everyone else's fault. People with strong inner brats are never happy.

How do you know if you are making too many attribution errors? Ask yourself if any of the following apply to you:

-- You are in the habit of judging others

-- People describe you as critical

-- You make excuses for your own mistakes

-- You feel like a victim much of the time

-- When something goes wrong you blame other people

-- You walk around feeling angry or resentful

-- You have contempt for others, for no particular reason

If you recognize yourself in two or more points in the above list, your inner brat needs to be tamed. The first step is being aware of how your inner brat distorts reality, exaggerating other people's faults, while minimizing your own.

Once you make a concerted effort to view your own and other people's behavior in a more balanced way, you will be surprised to find that most of the "jerks" in your life have disappeared!

--- Copyright ?2005 Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.

Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA, and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press, 2004) She is also a life coach. Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.

eco-friendly cleaning service Bannockburn ..

In The News:

AI phishing scams now use voice cloning and deepfake technology to trick victims, but Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals warning signs to watch for.

Inversion Space unveils Arc, a reusable reentry vehicle that can deliver up to 500 pounds of cargo from orbit to anywhere on Earth in under an hour.

Red flags like processing fees, urgent countdowns and requests for full Social Security numbers expose fraudulent settlement sites targeting consumers.

Comprehensive analysis of Google Maps, Waze and Apple Maps examines usability, routing accuracy, data handling and features across the top navigation platforms.

Expert analysis reveals whether wired Ethernet or wireless Wi-Fi connections are safer for home internet use, plus practical steps to secure your network from attackers.

Australian construction robot Charlotte uses sand, crushed brick and recycled glass to 3D print fireproof, floodproof homes with reduced carbon footprint.

Cybercriminals are using fake invitation emails to trick recipients into downloading malware and stealing personal information and data.

Flying drones could help retailers fight a 93% increase in theft rates as Flock Safety promotes airborne security systems to track suspects and deter crime.

The Fox News Artificial Intelligence Newsletter brings you the latest news on the emerging technology every Saturday, highlighting top stories.

Hacker group Radiant stole data from 8,000 children at Kido nursery chain, demanding ransom and directly contacting parents with intimidation tactics.

As 18 states implement bell-to-bell cell phone bans, creative students use Google Docs, iMessage on MacBooks and Post-It notes to stay connected in class.

A sheriff's captain says deputies often spend hours writing reports between calls, but Axon's AI program, Draft One, helps them save crucial time in the field.

Sora 2, OpenAI's new video-generation app, can create AI-generated videos based on a singular prompt. The results are both mind-blowing and terrifying.

iPhone and Android users can reduce Wi-Fi calling battery drainage through settings adjustments, background app limits and stronger Wi-Fi connections.

Work email scams are becoming harder to detect as criminals use AI and spoofed addresses to trick employees into opening malicious attachments and links.

From her Arizona living room, Christina Chapman ran a covert hub that helped North Korean operatives infiltrate U.S. firms, netting $17 million in stolen salaries.

UC Santa Barbara researchers developed a soft robotic intubation system that achieved 100% success rates for experts and 96% for paramedics with minimal training.

Scammers exploit probate filings to target grieving families with fake fees and debts, Kurt "Cyberguy" Knutsson reports.

Automotive giant Stellantis becomes latest victim of widespread Salesforce breaches affecting companies like Google, Cisco and Adidas this year.

A woman from Washington reunited with her missing Maine Coon cat Louie after 11 days using Love Lost, a free AI-powered pet recovery platform.

Expert cybersecurity tips help Mac owners remove malware infections and strengthen defenses with antivirus software, password managers and system updates.

Meta's AI chatbot training rules bans sexual roleplay with minors and block access to child abuse material as regulators scrutinize its safety measures.

Online banking users face a new threat: web injection scams that overlay fake pop-ups to steal logins. Here’s how to spot them and protect your accounts.

Meta introduced Teen Accounts to Facebook and Messenger while launching a School Partnership Program for U.S. educators to report bullying within 48 hours.

Executive order signed by President Donald Trump tasks Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s MAHA Commission with using AI to find new cures for childhood cancers.

The Jerk is Never Me

Stress Management