Home
>
Stress Management
>
Coping as a Tool of Enchantment

Coping as a Tool of Enchantment

Many of my readers write to me about the tensions of everyday life. Not only do people wonder how to relax, but people often ask, "How do I learn to better cope with what faces me? Can THE ENCHANTED SELF help with the overwhelming frenzy of everyday life? Can it help when I am really down or something really goes wrong?" Absolutely!

In my newsletter, I often talk about the power of our positive memories. I emphasize this power because so often people focus on their negative and unpleasant memories. However, THE ENCHANTED SELF is much more than the retrieval of positive memories. It is the recognition of what works to make us thrive as human beings, and the courage to live fully. One of the marvelous ways we can use our enchanted memory banks is to look backwards in time to recognize our coping skills. For example, perhaps

you came from a dysfunctional family, where one or both parents were alcoholics. You were the oldest child and you developed a multitude of skills, including organizational skills, running a household, and abilities to negotiate, calm and quiet others. These skills, although they had their origin in dysfunction, are precious gifts as an adult. Perhaps you are already using them in a career or in your personal life.

At times using a coping skill from childhood may mean giving yourself permission to do something as an adult that felt good as a child. For example, Marsha used to love to blow bubbles as a child. Now as a busy business woman, when she feels stressed out she will often take out a bottle of bubbles and let herself go back in time to that fun feeling of blowing bubbles, watching those magical spheres of light fill her office, creating miniature rainbows of delight.

Setting aside some time for myself, I recently experienced a way to cope with the hustle and bustle of my life. It is an activity which Peter Eno, our Tai Chi instructor calls a meditative walk. A group of people walk in a circle very slowly, taking their time and letting themselves experience open space in their thinking at the same time keeping pace in unison with each other. In a sense, one becomes a member of a very slow circular parade. This walk offers me a sense of connection with others and at the same time it gives me a chance for my mind to settle down in a peacefulness and comfort.

Random thoughts pop in and out as I walk around the room, but I also experience pleasurable feelings of comfort, relaxation and a warm sensation that goes way back to my grandmother's apartment in Brookline. Fresh air is coming in through the window as I wake contentedly to the bustle of sparrows on the windowsill. The birds chirp in a space that feels timeless yet totally safe. As I walk, I go back and forth in time from Grandma's spare bedroom to Peter's studio. At times I become aware of the sensation of being one with the weather, the noise of a lawn mower, the wail of a train's horn. After the meditative walk I feel refreshed. I feel ready to cope with everyday life. The meditative walk not only helped me get in touch with long ago Enchanted Moments at my grandmother's house, but it has replenished me so that I have coping skills to handle my life now.

If we can't cope, how can we find enchantment? If we don't learn to recognize enchantment, how can we have the energy to cope?

I have used walking as a coping skill since childhood. Ever since walking back and forth to school twice a day, I have been able to use walking to calm me down--giving me time to think and process what was on my mind. So actually a meditative walk gives me a time for enchanted memories, using a coping skill that began as a childhood routine.

Exercise:

Make a list of five coping skills you have. Examples are: determination, a sense of humor, running, cooking up a storm, reading romantic novels. Now look at your list and pick one or two of your coping skills. Play with them in your mind for the next week in two ways:

1. At least once a day, congratulate yourself on your wonderful survivor capacities.

2. Play with new ways you could use these skills to bring you pleasure. Perhaps it is time to take a gourmet-cooking course, time to write a romantic novel, or maybe time to send jokes via e-mail on the computer. Don t get discouraged. Just have fun! Hang in there. Remember you have an ENCHANTED SELF.

You are capable of achieving positive states again and again, and you have coping capacities to find personal enchantment, again and again.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF?, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her free e-group at http://www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com.

http://www.enchantedself.com

licensed cleaning services Des Plaines ...

In The News:

Daimler Truck's Oregon demos show how a Freightliner Cascadia's automatic emergency braking responds when dummy cars suddenly cross a moving truck's path.

Facebook ads promising to recover stolen funds are targeting scam victims again, and Meta confirmed removing flagged accounts after investigation.

Tesla Cybertruck production is winding down at Gigafactory Texas to make room for Cybercab robotaxi manufacturing, but key questions remain for owners.

Identity theft can hide in phone accounts, medical records and utility bills long before it shows on a credit report. Eight places to check now.

JR East's towering ZIZAI ZX-3 chainsaw robot tackles dangerous branch-cutting along Japan's Koumi Line while a trained operator controls it remotely.

A massive DHS data leak exposed records of over 41,000 employees, revealing links to undercover ICE operations, Palantir tools and AI platforms.

The Fox News AI Newsletter covers the latest artificial intelligence technology advancements, including the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

UCLA's PhoneBot turns old Android phones into the brain of a two-legged humanoid robot that walks, follows people and stands up after falling.

A fake Amazon invoice charging $988.18 for an iPad lists the same customer support phone number three times to steer panicked victims into calling.

A handful of food delivery robots from Uber Eats and other platforms have gotten kicked and knocked over in Philadelphia and Los Angeles.

Data broker opt-out forms may not protect your family. People search sites can still expose your info through a spouse's or parent's profile.

Apple's first touchscreen MacBook Pro starts at $2,899 with a PROLED XDR OLED display, but the non-touch M6 model costs $900 less at $1,999.

Black Friday deals are already drawing scammers who use fake delivery notices and gift card payment requests to steal your personal financial information.

Apple's iPhone Duo reportedly outlasted the Samsung Galaxy Z Fold 8 by over three hours in battery tests, but its weight and repair costs raise concerns.

Florida Polytechnic University's Jetson ONE eVTOL police vehicle named Astro still awaits FAA authorization before officers can fly operational patrols.

OpenAI's new locked chats feature lets you protect ChatGPT conversations with a PIN, Face ID or Touch ID, but there are key privacy limitations.

A phishing email disguised as an Evite fooled a man even after he emailed his friend to verify it, revealing how compromised Gmail accounts aid scams.

Microsoft's AI diagnostic system identified 83% of complex medical cases in a study, more than doubling the 36% accuracy of generalist doctors.

Account takeover threats go beyond stolen passwords as criminals exploit session cookies, SIM swaps and MFA fatigue to bypass your login security.

SpaceX is reportedly pursuing access to 80,000 cell sites to turn Starlink into a major wireless carrier rivaling Verizon, AT&T and T-Mobile.

Tech advocacy groups warn that foreign nationals at AI companies like OpenAI and Google pose a national security threat amid a lack of federal oversight.

Singapore researchers built the world's first touchscreen woven into clothing, surviving 50 machine washes while displaying images and responding to touch.

The Fox News AI Newsletter covers the latest artificial intelligence technology advancements, including the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A startup founder woke to $449 in unexpected OpenAI and Anthropic charges after stolen API keys were exploited during the "Black October" cyber wave.

Educational Testing Service hackers stole millions of California student records, but families who moved out of state years ago may also be affected.

Coping as a Tool of Enchantment

Stress Management