Verb and Subject
Incorrect:
"I bet you two had a fine time," said Ben.
When using tags, it's unusual to have the verb before the subject. The general rule of thumb is to use this construction sparingly, as a rare change in pace or flow. In addition, many editors are asking this construction not appear at all in a manuscript.
Correct:
"I bet you two had a fine time," Ben said.
The Comma and As
Incorrect:
"Do you kiss toads often? Or are you just a little weird?" Betty asked, wrinkling her nose in distaste.
"I often find the little green guys cute. You should try it sometime," Bertha said as she giggled.
In both instances, the comma after asked, and the 'as' after said, indicate the dialogue tag isn't necessary. Each is greatly improved by removing the tag and allowing the following sentence to stand on its own.
Correct:
"Do you kiss toads often? Or are you just a little weird?" Betty wrinkled her nose in distaste.
"I often find the little green guys cute. You should try it sometime." Bertha giggled.
Unnecessary Tags
Incorrect:
Mary scoffed at the idea. "I don't think you want me at your party," she replied.
Since we are firmly in Mary's head at the point of her dialogue, it can be assumed it is her reply. If you use a tag like this, ask yourself if it's really necessary. Is it obvious this is her reply? Then you don't need it. New writer's struggle with the idea that every bit of dialogue needs to be accredited to a character, otherwise the reader will be confused. The idea is to write so well from one character's perspective, that the reader will immediately tell who's dialogue it is.
Correct:
Mary scoffed at the idea. "I don't think you want me at your party."
Over Explaining the Tag
Incorrect:
"I don't care if you kiss all the frogs in the world, you aren't bringing that toad to my party," Shelly warned, her voice rising.
Ask yourself these questions when you find yourself hunting for words to explain the dialogue in the tag:
Is Shelly's dialogue showing her warning?
Is it clear from what Shelly says that her voice is rising?
What am I trying to show Shelly feeling with this tag?
You won't need to ask yourself these questions as you discover your own style more, but in the meantime, it's a good idea to look through your tags to see if any of them could be replaced, or simply deleted. Her outrage could have been shown much better by this sentence:
Correct:
"I don't care if you kiss all the frogs in the world, you aren't bringing that toad to my party." Shelly glared, hands on hips.
Conjunction Tags
Incorrect:
"You look lovely in that dress," Biff said, "and I think you're going to be the belle of the ball."
Although this break is all right occasionally, it should be used with extreme caution. A better approach is to lend depth to the moment at the break.
Correct:
"You look lovely in that dress." Biff leaned closer, his words a whisper against her flesh. "I think you're going to be the belle of the ball."
Showing Impact
Incorrect:
She wanted to scream, to run for help, but she remained frozen, like a trapped animal. "You killed him for money?"
"Exactly," he said.
"How could you?" She asked as adrenalin rushed movement back into her limbs and she backed away.
Obviously this is an excerpt from a larger scene. By the time the reader finds this exchange, they'll be familiar with all the players. To add impact to a statement, it's sometimes best to leave a tag off entirely, especially with a two-character exchange.
Correct:
She wanted to scream, to run for help, but she remained frozen, like a trapped animal. "You killed him for money?"
"Exactly."
"How could you?" Adrenalin flooded her limbs and she backed away.
Multiple Tags
Incorrect:
"You have to understand," Sean said as he clenched her wrists tighter. His eyes darkened with a menacing plea as he stated, "He was evil, I had to do it."
In this paragraph, we are firmly in Sean's head by the action described in the middle, there is no need to explain he is still speaking.
Correct:
"You have to understand." Sean clenched her wrists tighter. His eyes darkened with a menacing plea. "He was evil, I had to do it."
As with any rules in writing, there are always exceptions. However, once you've changed any of the problematic tags in your work to these more active and exciting tags, you'll find the pace of your work becomes faster and the work overall is much cleaner.
About The Author
Author of dozens of articles and award winning short stories, Jennifer Turner offers caring and concise critiques for aspiring authors without the high cost of big business editorial services at, ROTO-WRITER CRITIQUE SERVICE http://jturner.00books.com/index.html
http://jturner.00books.com/index.html
custom home cleaning Lincolnshire ..If you're targeting an educated, more affluent audience with your... Read More
In my ten years as an advertiser, I've encountered plenty... Read More
Mix a martini, don't forget the olives, or pour yourself... Read More
Want to write an article or book, but are stuck... Read More
Do you consider yourself a storyteller? Do you consider yourself... Read More
Using a ghostwriter to craft your free reprint articles and... Read More
Last week I was having a quick browse on eBay... Read More
1. What Is A Premise?A premise is the point you... Read More
Nike's ad has taken on new meaning for me of... Read More
There are three ways to write a first draft. One... Read More
Back in the mid to late 1980s I was a... Read More
What a wonderful resource the Internet is!Students find information to... Read More
Writer's forums are bustling with debate over whether or not... Read More
If you are reading this article then you probably have... Read More
Over the past eight years or so, I have tutored... Read More
Becoming an author is probably a lot easier than you... Read More
When you run an online agency for freelance writers, editors... Read More
You have a new website, or a new business, or... Read More
William Faulkner, the great Mississippi writer, said, "The tools I... Read More
I went to school to be a teacher. In fact,... Read More
A writer writes. Bet you've heard that one... Read More
Having problems writing? I don't know why. San Francisco Chronicle... Read More
If you have been online for any length of time... Read More
One of the best ways to blow someone's winning streak... Read More
Suspense novels, unlike any other genre, need fast starts. Fans... Read More
move in cleaning service Glencoe ..We writers are a powerful lot. We control time. We... Read More
Once you've plotted out your book, developed the characters and... Read More
For several years before I left teaching to write full... Read More
The dash--that curious mark of punctuation people use in their... Read More
In reviewing and browsing web sites over the years, I... Read More
PASSED, PASTPassed is the past tense of pass. Past means... Read More
Story Structure Templates are the fastest way to write screenplays.... Read More
Eight or nine times out of ten, picking up and... Read More
Traditionally, business writing uses the "one thing after another" format,... Read More
Writers are often are greatly surprised or disappointed by how... Read More
Characters in a good novel really carry the story along... Read More
Summer's here and the time is write for dancing in... Read More
Great writing transports one vicariously to realms that the reader... Read More
If you want happy customers to use your service or... Read More
Not all writers write good grammar. That's a fact. It's... Read More
1. Make your goals achievable.By achievable, we mean realistic and... Read More
Freelance writer STANLEY BURKHARDT has a passion for animals. He... Read More
Has the thought run across you mind that you might... Read More
During the past few months I have received many questions... Read More
You have a great idea for a poem, a story,... Read More
What possibly could I have to write about? I never... Read More
The biggest mistake authors make when trying to get free... Read More
Have you ever started a creative writing project with great... Read More
Be careful when you write.Words you use, sentences you phrase... Read More
We've all been told that we need to use all... Read More
Writing |