Dialogue Tags - A Study in Common Errors

Verb and Subject

Incorrect:

"I bet you two had a fine time," said Ben.

When using tags, it's unusual to have the verb before the subject. The general rule of thumb is to use this construction sparingly, as a rare change in pace or flow. In addition, many editors are asking this construction not appear at all in a manuscript.

Correct:

"I bet you two had a fine time," Ben said.

The Comma and As

Incorrect:

"Do you kiss toads often? Or are you just a little weird?" Betty asked, wrinkling her nose in distaste.

"I often find the little green guys cute. You should try it sometime," Bertha said as she giggled.

In both instances, the comma after asked, and the 'as' after said, indicate the dialogue tag isn't necessary. Each is greatly improved by removing the tag and allowing the following sentence to stand on its own.

Correct:

"Do you kiss toads often? Or are you just a little weird?" Betty wrinkled her nose in distaste.

"I often find the little green guys cute. You should try it sometime." Bertha giggled.

Unnecessary Tags

Incorrect:

Mary scoffed at the idea. "I don't think you want me at your party," she replied.

Since we are firmly in Mary's head at the point of her dialogue, it can be assumed it is her reply. If you use a tag like this, ask yourself if it's really necessary. Is it obvious this is her reply? Then you don't need it. New writer's struggle with the idea that every bit of dialogue needs to be accredited to a character, otherwise the reader will be confused. The idea is to write so well from one character's perspective, that the reader will immediately tell who's dialogue it is.

Correct:

Mary scoffed at the idea. "I don't think you want me at your party."

Over Explaining the Tag

Incorrect:

"I don't care if you kiss all the frogs in the world, you aren't bringing that toad to my party," Shelly warned, her voice rising.

Ask yourself these questions when you find yourself hunting for words to explain the dialogue in the tag:

Is Shelly's dialogue showing her warning?

Is it clear from what Shelly says that her voice is rising?

What am I trying to show Shelly feeling with this tag?

You won't need to ask yourself these questions as you discover your own style more, but in the meantime, it's a good idea to look through your tags to see if any of them could be replaced, or simply deleted. Her outrage could have been shown much better by this sentence:

Correct:

"I don't care if you kiss all the frogs in the world, you aren't bringing that toad to my party." Shelly glared, hands on hips.

Conjunction Tags

Incorrect:

"You look lovely in that dress," Biff said, "and I think you're going to be the belle of the ball."

Although this break is all right occasionally, it should be used with extreme caution. A better approach is to lend depth to the moment at the break.

Correct:

"You look lovely in that dress." Biff leaned closer, his words a whisper against her flesh. "I think you're going to be the belle of the ball."

Showing Impact

Incorrect:

She wanted to scream, to run for help, but she remained frozen, like a trapped animal. "You killed him for money?"

"Exactly," he said.

"How could you?" She asked as adrenalin rushed movement back into her limbs and she backed away.

Obviously this is an excerpt from a larger scene. By the time the reader finds this exchange, they'll be familiar with all the players. To add impact to a statement, it's sometimes best to leave a tag off entirely, especially with a two-character exchange.

Correct:

She wanted to scream, to run for help, but she remained frozen, like a trapped animal. "You killed him for money?"

"Exactly."

"How could you?" Adrenalin flooded her limbs and she backed away.

Multiple Tags

Incorrect:

"You have to understand," Sean said as he clenched her wrists tighter. His eyes darkened with a menacing plea as he stated, "He was evil, I had to do it."

In this paragraph, we are firmly in Sean's head by the action described in the middle, there is no need to explain he is still speaking.

Correct:

"You have to understand." Sean clenched her wrists tighter. His eyes darkened with a menacing plea. "He was evil, I had to do it."

As with any rules in writing, there are always exceptions. However, once you've changed any of the problematic tags in your work to these more active and exciting tags, you'll find the pace of your work becomes faster and the work overall is much cleaner.

About The Author

Author of dozens of articles and award winning short stories, Jennifer Turner offers caring and concise critiques for aspiring authors without the high cost of big business editorial services at, ROTO-WRITER CRITIQUE SERVICE http://jturner.00books.com/index.html

http://jturner.00books.com/index.html

custom home cleaning Lincolnshire ..
In The News:

Amazon Prime Day shoppers face threats from 120,000-plus scam websites as cybercriminals prepare phishing traps and malware ahead of the July sales event.
Fox News' AI Newsletter brings you the latest on this rapidly evolving technology.
The AEON humanoid robot tackles labor challenges with Nvidia AI, Microsoft Azure cloud and advanced spatial awareness, working alongside industry leaders Schaeffler and Pilatus.
Google's Ask Photos feature brings AI-powered searches to your photo library, letting you find memories with natural language queries while maintaining privacy controls.
The return of blue book exams emerges as universities fight widespread AI academic dishonesty and educators debate whether to ban AI tools or teach responsible usage.
Signs your phone might be hacked include strange behavior, unauthorized texts, battery drain and pop-ups, while protection involves updating software and avoiding public Wi-Fi.
Tokyo startup H2L has launched Capsule Interface technology enabling full-body robot control with muscle sensors, offering immersive remote operation.
The A.I. industry seems set for growing pains as Big Tech companies scramble for solutions to the medium's unprecedented strain on the power grid.
Fourth of July fireworks cause a 60% spike in lost pets, but GPS trackers and AI photo-matching services like Love Lost can help reunite missing dogs with their families.
Protect yourself from jugging, the rising crime by which thieves monitor ATM users and follow them to steal cash, with six practical safety tips to stay alert and secure.
U.S. airlines like Delta, American and United are selling your domestic flight records to government agencies through the little-known Travel Intelligence Program.
Autonomous robots from Uber Eats are rolling out across U.S. cities, featuring LIDAR sensors, secure compartments and all-weather operation for food and grocery delivery.
Costco has expanded into EV infrastructure with new ultra-fast charging stations that can charge most electric vehicles to 80% in 20-60 minutes while shoppers browse the warehouse.
The new Gemini Robotics On-Device AI allows robots to perform complex tasks without internet, offering enhanced privacy, reliability and adaptability for real-world use.
Protect yourself from Amazon phishing scams by spotting red flags like suspicious sender addresses and spelling errors while using Amazon's Message Center to verify communications.
GAC Group's new Govy AirCab flying car combines lightweight design with advanced safety systems and smart cabin technology to revolutionize city travel with an 18.6-mile range.
The Berkeley Humanoid Light (BHL) is a lightweight, open source humanoid robot that anyone can build using 3D-printed parts and off-the-shelf components.
Meta’s new AI chatbot is getting personal, and it might be sharing more than you realize.
A new threat targets both Android and iPhone users: SparkKitty, a powerful mobile malware strain that scans private photos to steal cryptocurrency recovery phrases and other sensitive data.
Thanks to a team at the University of California, Davis, there's a new brain-computer interface (BCI) system that's opening up real-time, natural conversation for people who can't speak.
Privacy risks are hiding in plain sight, as your personal data is likely being collected, tracked, and sold without your knowledge.
VenHub, a fully autonomous, AI-powered smart store just opened at the LAX/Metro Transit Center in Los Angeles.
A woman's Facebook account takeover reveals dangerous social engineering tactics and provides lessons on recovery, avoiding scams and enacting stronger security measures.
Shanghai engineers are using 432 walking robots to relocate a complex, preserving Shikumen architecture while creating space for a modern underground hub and cultural center.
Major healthcare data analytics firm Episource had a cybersecurity incident exposing 5 million patients' medical records and personal information in recent breach.

How to Get Free Publicity in In-flight Magazines

If you're targeting an educated, more affluent audience with your... Read More

Power Writing 101: Tips and Tricks to Get You Taken Seriously!

In my ten years as an advertiser, I've encountered plenty... Read More

8 Great Journaling Tips

Mix a martini, don't forget the olives, or pour yourself... Read More

Idea Mining for Writers 101

Want to write an article or book, but are stuck... Read More

Creative Writing

Do you consider yourself a storyteller? Do you consider yourself... Read More

Effective Collaboration - Working With Your Ghostwriter

Using a ghostwriter to craft your free reprint articles and... Read More

Proof Positive: the importance of proofreading

Last week I was having a quick browse on eBay... Read More

Frequently Asked Questions from Writers

1. What Is A Premise?A premise is the point you... Read More

Starting a Freelance Writing Career (or Thoughts About Taking the Plunge)

Nike's ad has taken on new meaning for me of... Read More

Going On A Word Diet

There are three ways to write a first draft. One... Read More

The One-Plot Wonder

Back in the mid to late 1980s I was a... Read More

8 Reasons Why A Freelance Writer Should Use the Internet

What a wonderful resource the Internet is!Students find information to... Read More

Freelancing Doesnt Mean Writing For Free. Does it?

Writer's forums are bustling with debate over whether or not... Read More

Writing Tips For Novice Authors

If you are reading this article then you probably have... Read More

Writing the KAIZEN Way

Over the past eight years or so, I have tutored... Read More

Four Easy Ways to Get a Book Written (Especially If You Dont Like to Write)

Becoming an author is probably a lot easier than you... Read More

Taking the Free Out of Freelance Writing

When you run an online agency for freelance writers, editors... Read More

Tell the World About You

You have a new website, or a new business, or... Read More

A Writers Tools

William Faulkner, the great Mississippi writer, said, "The tools I... Read More

Writing from Home: It Can Be Great and Not-So-Great for Mothers

I went to school to be a teacher. In fact,... Read More

Which Comes First - Short Story Or Novel?

A writer writes. Bet you've heard that one... Read More

Learning to Question Your Elephant Child: Who, What, Where, When and Why

Having problems writing? I don't know why. San Francisco Chronicle... Read More

Who Else Wants To Make $3546 By Simply Pressing a Button!

If you have been online for any length of time... Read More

Do The Unfamiliar To Keep Your Writing Going

One of the best ways to blow someone's winning streak... Read More

Suspense Novels Need Fast Starts

Suspense novels, unlike any other genre, need fast starts. Fans... Read More

move in cleaning service Glencoe ..