Who Said That? Making Dialogue Crystal Clear

Recently, I was hunting for a book that would simply entertain me. I didn't want to have to ponder about 'who dun it'. I didn't want to have to think about the meaning of life. I just wanted to sit back with believable, likeable characters and 'watch' while their story unfolded. Something light. Something humorous.

Eventually I plucked a likely candidate from the shelf. The cover art signalled that it was probably the kind of book I was looking for. I turned it over. Yes, there were two short testimonials on the back cover; one from another author (I never place too much credence in those - I know how easy it is to get fulsome praise from other writers) and one from "Hello" magazine. The latter said "Will make you laugh out loud and tug your heartstrings."

Good, good! I was feeling pretty brain-dead. Something to make me laugh out loud sounded just the ticket.

I opened it and read more reviews. "Too clever for chicklit" said TIME OUT.

Okay. I was sold. A quick glance at the first page confirmed that it wasn't written in the present tense (a pet hate of mine) and that it hooked me right away, so I happily paid up and tucked it into my bag.

Later that day, I began to read.

Did I like the heroine? Yes. Not only was she funny, but she seemed to have a brain.

Did I like the storyline? Yes. It got me in from the first page, with hints about the heroine's precarious financial position, a dire reason that she parted company with her ex-fiance, and her need to get her new business off the ground.

But then... it happened. In the midst of an exchange of dialogue, I found myself frowning and going back to the beginning. Huh? Who said that? I re-read the section, worked out who said what, and moved on.

Then it happened again.

And again.

At various points through the book, I found myself stopping, going back to check, and then moving on. It was annoying but more than that... it continually reminded me that I was reading, instead of living inside the heroine's skin.

The worst thing was that it could so easily have been fixed.

I'm going to quote a few examples from the novel to show you what I mean.

EXAMPLE #1 "He's desperate to dominate," I explained, as we sat on the terrace, watching him with the other two dogs.

Caroline put her cup of tea down. "Is he?"

"Yes. This might sound harsh, but what he needs is to be knocked off his pedestal."

"Really?" she said. I nodded. "But how?"

"By you taking far less notice of him. He's a chronic show-off - if he's got your attention he's thrilled." What went wrong?

Did you spot the place where this jarred?

It was in the third paragraph: "Really?" she said. I nodded. "But how?" Because Caroline's response "really?" was followed by an action on the OTHER person's part ("I nodded") the reader is cued to expect that the words which follow belong to the speaker who performed the action. So I read this as: I nodded. "But how?" ...as though the viewpoint character was asking a rhetorical question of Caroline: "But how can we achieve this?"

Sometimes, when we come across a section of dialogue that can be taken two ways, the brain interprets it correctly the first time - which means we read on, blissfully involved in the story. But if we misinterpret, the whole passage stops making sense. Your job as a writer is to make sure there's no chance that the brain will decode the message the wrong way!

EXAMPLE #1 REWRITE

We are going to move the action "I nodded" right away from the words spoken and turn it into a response on its own: "He's desperate to dominate," I explained, as we sat on the terrace, watching him with the other two dogs.

Caroline put her cup of tea down. "Is he?"

"Yes. This might sound harsh, but what he needs is to be knocked off his pedestal."

"Really?" she said.

I nodded.

"But how?"

"By you taking far less notice of him. He's a chronic show-off - if he's got your attention he's thrilled."

EXAMPLE #2 I stopped folding the chairs. "You want a photographer?"

"Yes, sorry, I was just thinking aloud. Don't worry," she put her diary away. "The picture editor will sort it out." I looked at her. "We'll be off then - my driver's waiting - and I've got to get this little baby into her bed." She snapped on Jennifer's diamante-studded lead, then smiled. "See you next week."

"Can I make a suggestion, Lily?" She turned around. "For a photographer?"

"Yes, okay."

Adrenaline surged through my veins like fire. "How about... David White?" What went wrong?

Same thing as in the last example... a lack of clarity about which speaker the words can be attributed to. In this case, the words "Can I make a suggestion, Lily?" and "For a photographer?" are spoken by the same person. Again, because the words "For a photographer?" come after the action "She turned around", the words could have been spoken by the person who turned around.

It's only a moment or two before the reader realizes who is actually speaking - but a split second is all it takes to remind the reader that she is not 'living' the story.

You can easily avoid this momentary lapse in the reader's focus by changing the layout. Always make sure that the words are 'attached' to the right person - or, at the very least, are not associated with the wrong person!

EXAMPLE #2 REWRITE

**This time, to remove all ambiguity, we are going to move the action "She turned around" right away from the words spoken and turn it into a response on its own: I stopped folding the chairs. "You want a photographer?"

"Yes, sorry, I was just thinking aloud. Don't worry," she put her diary away. "The picture editor will sort it out."

I looked at her.

"We'll be off then - my driver's waiting - and I've got to get this little baby into her bed." She snapped on Jennifer's diamante-studded lead, then smiled. "See you next week."

"Can I make a suggestion, Lily? For a photographer?"

She turned around. "Yes, okay."

Adrenaline surged through my veins like fire. "How about... David White?" You'll notice that in this example, we also moved the words "For a photographer?" to follow the viewpoint character's previous sentence, so it's all quite clear. Lily's words "Yes, okay" were also put directly after "She turned around" for the sake of clarity.

Similarly, the words "I looked at her" were set off in a paragraph of their own.

These are small changes - but they're worth doing. We have moved the character's reaction ('she turned around') so that it occurs slightly later - but we gain more than we lose. Now, the reader has no chance of getting confused about who said what.

And no chance of losing the sense of being part of the story - instead of just a reader!

Isn't that what all authors hope for?

(c) copyright Marg McAlister

Marg McAlister has published magazine articles, short stories, books for children, ezines, promotional material, sales letters and web content. She has written 5 distance education courses on writing, and her online help for writers is popular all over the world. Sign up for her regular writers' tipsheet at http://www.writing4success.com/

shuttle to Midway Beardstown .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

---

Is Your Title Compelling?

Short Story Writing Tips:Your title is your selling tool. It's... Read More

10 Best Writers Who Ever Lived

Compiling a list of the history's ten best writers is... Read More

Need a Book Coach, Ghost Writer, or Editor? Part 1

If you either want to write a book to help... Read More

How To Build A Successful Freelance Editorial Career

In the current job market, many editorial freelancers have turned... Read More

Applying KISS Principle in Writing

I have added a new word to my vocabulary. Logorrhea.... Read More

Local Knowledge: Background and Historical Setting in Novels

You're writing a story set in your local city, but... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Write Like a Pro Checklist

Sure you can write, but can you write crisp, compelling... Read More

The Blank Mind

Many writers stare at the blank page or clean computer... Read More

To Tell If You Are A Literary Snob

"I don't know if I should put 'writer' on my... Read More

What Can Go Into A Plot?

Creative Writing Tips ?We all tackle plotting differently. How you... Read More

Technical Writing for the Terrified

IntroductionSometimes it may be beyond a companies or individuals budget... Read More

Finding The Book Writing Resources, Tips, And Help You Need!

Writing can be more difficult that just compiling your thoughts... Read More

Get Creative In The Great Outdoors

Summer's here and the time is write for dancing in... Read More

Its All About YOU!

The Hottest Word on the WebDid you know marketing people... Read More

Seven Compelling Reasons to Get Your Name on a Book Cover

Have you ever considered writing a book? If so, maybe... Read More

Childrens Stories - The Essentials

There is no specific formula for children's fiction. There are,... Read More

A Freelancers Journey, Part One

Today it begins.I have always known I was a freelancer.... Read More

Writing HI-LO Material (High Interest, Low Ability) for Slow Readers

To write books for readers at an elementary reading level... Read More

How to Write a Holiday Tale that Isn?t a Turkey

When we write stories, with the purpose of sharing them... Read More

A Perfect Day for Writers

In one of the exercises in my "Getting Started as... Read More

Write With Passion: 4 Steps To Emotionally Charge A Nonfiction Article

You have just completed a draft of an article. It... Read More

How to Write Bad Poetry

So you've decided to crown yourself with a title that... Read More

Know your Audience Before you Write Your Book or Web Site

If you want happy customers to use your service or... Read More

Whats in a Name? Giving Birth to your Characters

So you've got your plot outlined, a title lined up... Read More

Piecing It All Together

There's a little known secret we writers like to keep... Read More

Green Bay Hummer H2 SUV rentals ..