Nice girls don't speak up. Nice girls take care of and support others. These are just a few of the messages girls often receive as they are socialized. Often in adulthood, these ingrained messages turn into full-blown co-dependency. Years can go by. Unmet needs build up energy; they demand attention. But without learning skills in setting boundaries, letting others feel their own pain and making oneself a priority, food often becomes the hassle-free, soothing balm to take the edge off and release that pent up energy momentarily, that is until the guilt sets in.
We are in one of the following roles when we are co-dependent ? victim, rescuer or persecutor. Following are a few examples of how these roles play out in our relationship with food:
Victim: You eat too much food. You gain weight and then can't eat what you want. No matter what you do, what diet you try, you can't lose weight. No matter how you eat, you seem to continue to gain weight, feeling worse and worse.
Rescuer: The dessert makes you feel better, especially the chocolate. It makes you feel loved. You feel comforted and nurtured when you eat certain foods. You reward yourself with food over the smallest perceived successes. Or someone may rescue you when you claim you can't lose weight. "You've tried hard. It's not working for you. Go ahead and eat it. You're not losing weight anyway. You can try that new diet tomorrow."
Persecutor: You're great at beating up on yourself. No matter what you do, you can't lose weight. Your tortured thoughts go something like this: "I'm never going to lose this weight; it's too hard to lose weight. I hate myself because I can't control my eating. I hate myself because I'm not following this diet perfectly. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I hate myself."
How do you get out of your co-dependent relationship with food? First, pay attention to your thoughts ? I mean really notice. What are you saying to yourself about food, your body, your weight, yourself? Likely you'll find that you wouldn't say those things to your worst enemy. Secondly, write those thoughts down. Ask yourself if any of your thoughts are really true about you or do they come from unconscious, past patterns. Next, ask yourself if you wish to continue to believe these thoughts. If not, forgive yourself for believing them and replace those thoughts with the ones you want.
It goes like this.
My thoughts:
I always eat too potato chips, and I can't lose weight. I'm so spineless.
Are my thoughts true?
I don't always eat too many potato chips. I've been eating dessert, which is probably why I can't lose weight. It's not the potato chips. I don't know why I said I'm spineless. I'm not.
Why do I eat so many potato chips?
When I ate them today, it was after that conversation with my friend. I felt angry. The crunch of the potato chips helped me feel less angry. Now that I think about it, I eat potato chips a lot when I'm angry.
Do I want to continue believing my thoughts?
No. I forgive myself for eating potato chips to swallow my anger. I forgive myself for calling myself spineless.
New thoughts:
When I'm angry next time, I'm going to express my anger appropriately and talk with the other person. I'm not going to eat potato chips. I can lose weight. I am successful in losing weight.
Learn to listen to yourself and not rely on outside cues for what you may or may not think and feel. It's not selfish to meet your real needs directly. When you meet your true needs, food is no longer a bandage. Then you can freely choose whether or not to eat that particular food without the intensity of unmet emotional needs. It's about valuing yourself and making decisions and choices that honor your value. New thinking will support your weight loss efforts.
About The Author
Zo Houseman is the author of Live Lightly! that describes how she lost 100 pounds and kept it off by learning to think differently. Read free excerpts. More information and resources are available at http://www.setyourheartfree.com.
http://www.setyourheartfree.com
One may think that on a website called "LivingAfterWLS" you... Read More
Low Carb diets have become as popular as apple pie... Read More
To lose weight and keep it off you need an... Read More
Lets face it, most of us live pretty busy lives... Read More
As parents who've had gastric bypass we face many challenges... Read More
We think we know everything there is to know about... Read More
- Are your ideas of obesity and fat control based... Read More
Obesity is now assuming epidemic proportions. Worldwide there are over... Read More
As our bodies move from Winter into Spring we can... Read More
Have you ever decided to take a trip somewhere relatively... Read More
Studies show that most Americans are fifteen percent fatter today... Read More
Nowadays, so much of the public is obese (fat) that... Read More
Like many people I've been on dozens of diet plans... Read More
Are you a 'look-and-lose' dieter? Have you studied every diet... Read More
A common question among weight loss professionals...If fad diets don't... Read More
We have such good weight loss intentions. We emotionally beat... Read More
Here's a letter from my email:Dear Carol,I took your teleclass... Read More
Yoga is wonderful for nurturing a state of mental and... Read More
Not so resolved on that "New Year's Resolution" to be... Read More
I have been seriously working on losing weight for about... Read More
What is a calorie? The definition of a calorie is... Read More
It's a sad comment on human nature that prejudice and... Read More
What is the relationship between intake of nutrition and metabolism... Read More
Dieting is not easy. If it were, we would probably... Read More
When women talk about their biggest obstacles to successful weight... Read More
This year, we all made some of the typical New... Read More
Am I missing something here? If I am, someone please... Read More
"Polyols" or sugar alcohols are a number of different carbohydrates... Read More
How's this for a diet: Take in fewer calories than... Read More
Your Non-Conscious Mind is 98% of your full power.Your Inner... Read More
I recently received the following email:Q. Five weeks ago, I... Read More
The cost of a tummy tuck is something to consider... Read More
Low carb diets can be classified as food plans that... Read More
Lipoxinol Weight Loss Review: Does Lipoxinol Live Up To All... Read More
Don't diet, just eat and lose weight!First, the following "diet"... Read More
Your pants are a bit tight, you can't seem to... Read More
When most people think of low carb diets they automatically... Read More
My name is Greg Ryan. I am a high profile... Read More
The weight loss protein debate centers around the effectiveness of... Read More
If winter hibernation tends to pack on the pounds, take... Read More
1. Increase your water intake to at least 1 gallon... Read More
There is no such thing as spot reducing. Any fat... Read More
THE 200 POINT SYSTEMWith so many different diets available, how... Read More
If you are about to begin a diet, the number... Read More
How do we know what we know? Often, our knowledge... Read More
Resistance training, also known as strength training, does not require... Read More
Essential Fats for Weight LossOver the past few decades, the... Read More
In this issue, I am going to focus more on... Read More
All weight loss diets make you FatThat's right, because on... Read More
Looking for Diet Programs on net is like looking for... Read More
Weight Loss |