The words I read made me furious. There it was, in black and white, the story of a fussy baby who was spoon fed ice cream to keep her quiet. I was reading a baby book and that baby was me! I was indignant ? how dare my parents comfort me ? at six months old ? with ice cream? No wonder I grew up to be a fat adult addicted to high fat sugary sweets. I was a fat baby and I became a fat child, a fat teen and a fat adult. All because at six months the solution for my tears was ice cream.
When I read dusky smelling baby book it unleashed an anger that had been building since the good doctor cut up my God-given stomach and deprived me of every comfort I'd ever known. My gastric bypass made me skinny, but it also made me angry.
I was mad as hell, and I was blaming them ? my parents ? for twenty-five years of obesity. Twenty-five years of suffering and self-loathing. Twenty-five years of social inferiority because I was fat. It was their fault! A normally docile person, I was livid. I was enraged. I was heartbroken. There is so much pain associated with obesity, particularly for children and adolescents, how dare they ? they who gave me life ? put me in harm's way by making me fat? How dare they?
I harbored my anger for weeks festering it in my mind until it took on a life of it's own. I was no longer in control of my thoughts because I had surrendered to the anger. Here I should have been at the most exciting moment of my adult life for I had become the new me, yet I was a bitter angry unhappy thin person.
Most gastric bypass patients experience anger as they lose weight.
I understand now that this phase of anger is common for the recovering morbidly obese person. Most of our anger is about how obesity caused us to be self-loathing: about learning to hate ourselves ? since childhood ? because of our obesity. We are angry for blaming ourselves for lack of control that caused obesity, we are angry at others who blamed us. We are angry at the people who have belittled us for being fat, then belittled us as "weak" for taking the easy way out ? surgery ? to lose weight. We are angry at doctors who've told us to lose weight, but didn't tell us how. We are angry at the media that bombards us with pictures of rail thin skeleton models sending the message that unhealthy anorexic behavior is fashionable and obesity is loathsome. That is the same media that advertises thin people joyously eating heaping portions of unhealthy processed fat laden food. We are angry at employers who fail to promote the obese and who make us work twice as hard to prove that obese does not equal stupid. We are angry at the diet industry that has taken billions of our dollars when we fell for their promise of "instant weight loss guaranteed". We are angry at every person who said, "You have such a pretty face, if you could just lose the weight." We are angry at a society that deems it politically incorrect to insult people for their race, religion or sexual preference, but leaves the field wide open to defame and humiliate the obese.
The recovering obese are very angry. And finally, after years of stuffing angry feelings inside, the anger erupts when we lose weight and discover our new selves. And that makes us angry too! Why did we have to lose weight in order to allow ourselves to be angry?
We are entitled to be angry. As a class of people we are subject to the most tolerated form of socially accepted bigotry: it is in our home and social lives, in the workplace, in our leisure activities. We live in a society where half the people are obese ? half of those morbidly obese ? yet that same society condemns the obese as today's untouchables. We are entitled to be angry.
Anger leads us down a path of blaming. We want to blame someone or something for our suffering. It's true, not one single fat person has chosen to be fat. Obesity is not a choice. We want to blame someone else because for most of our lives we have blamed ourselves: that's what fat people learn to do ? we hate ourselves for a choice we did not make.
But a new movement in psychology, the science of happiness, says there is a better way. This practice says, sure, bad things happen to good people. The science of happiness calls people to muster their inner resilience and accept bad things happen as a matter of fact and then move forward.
The science of happiness has us focus on our strengths. According to Dr. Dan Baker, a leader in the science of happiness and author of What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better: "focusing on our strengths works because it feels better than focusing on weakness. It creates energy, which is always necessary for transformation. Also, it's self-sustaining and full of rewards." When I began to understand that my obesity was the result of converging anthropic change ? the industrial revolution ? that my parents did not intend for me be fat, and that I'd done the best thing I could for my health by having surgery ? then my anger subsided.
Some weight loss patients have managed their anger by becoming advocates. Advocates for the fair treatment of the obese, for fair treatment in the workplace and improved insurance coverage for obesity treatment. I know some people who are sport and life coaches for children to teach them about nutrition and physical activity.
But most importantly, I know WLS patients who are advocates in their own homes. They are affecting healthy change for the next generation. These brave people are teaching their children to eat nutritionally and exercise and avoid the foods and habits that result in obesity. They are the advocates who will keep the next generation off the surgical table and free from the torments of growing up obese. Advocates do not have time for anger. They will step in where genetics can't keep pace and independently, one-by-one, fight the epidemic of obesity.
Is it easy to let the anger go? Not all the time. I still get very angry when I see overweight adults mindlessly feeding their children things that will make them fat. Sometimes I just want to shake them and say, "Do you know what you are doing to that child? Do you know what kind of life you are leading her toward?" I'm still looking for a response to this anger but the wounds of childhood obesity do not easily heal. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that will be the motivation it takes to leave a better, healthier legacy for future generations ? with or without weight loss surgery.
Kaye Bailey is a gastric bypass success story having maintained her health and goal weight for more than five years. An award winning journalist, she is the author and webmaster of http://www.livingafterwls.com and http://www.livingafterwls.com - Fresh & insightful content about living after weight loss surgery is added daily, check in often.
Culver prom limo ..If you have been dieting, there is a good chance... Read More
"Life is like a box of chocolates," drawled Forrest Gump.Metaphors... Read More
1. The lower the calories eaten per day, the harder... Read More
? Can you give me an exercise that will get... Read More
When Instant Results Take TimeYesterday I decided to "get back... Read More
The goal of many athletes and exercisers is to "get... Read More
For sometime now, you've been hearing about the Milk Diet... Read More
Atkins Nutritionals filed for bankruptcy at the beginning of August... Read More
Stop Weight From Creeping Up By Staying AwareEveryone has small... Read More
It's the travel time, meaning hours spent sedentary. It prepares... Read More
Do you know this year Florida will go through a... Read More
Addicted to Restaurants Are you addicted to restaurants? So are... Read More
A Little Help With Some Difficult terms ------------------------------------------ Aerobic... Read More
What are the best fad diets? It's a question I'm... Read More
It seems everyone is looking for that magic bullet -... Read More
Finding the clinic that performs liposuctions in Newport Beach is... Read More
If you've been enjoying life after gastric bypass surgery you... Read More
Zero Calorie Diet Sodas: Good Or Bad For Weight Loss?Calorie-free... Read More
Ever wondered why some people manage to keep their weight... Read More
We must all now be familiar with the Atkins Diet.... Read More
Weight loss is one of the biggest industries in the... Read More
Gastric bypass patients often find themselves regaining weight soon after... Read More
Finally - you are alone. No one else is around.... Read More
Ever heard of the expression, "Getting up on the wrong... Read More
Over the last 30 years, research into food and blood... Read More
Wood Dale limo ..Whether coming from a close friend, the nightly news or... Read More
Have you ever seen an overweight rock climber or yoga... Read More
Dieting will continue to fail most dieters, unless personalized weight... Read More
Repeat a lie often enough and people take it as... Read More
People always ask me " how it is that your... Read More
In our society of fast food and long hours spent... Read More
America's Obesity EpidemicAs the numbers of overweight Americans continue to... Read More
In recent years, carbohydrates have been labeled as the nutrition... Read More
Understanding the theory of adaptation (see previous article, Adaptation I)... Read More
Many gastric bypass patients report melon to be one of... Read More
You have finally decided to tackle weight management and lose... Read More
"The kind of thoughts that you plant in your mind,... Read More
It's always great to find a protein supplement with very... Read More
Some of you will not like what I have to... Read More
You won't believe what happened to me today!I was getting... Read More
As a weight loss mentor it never ceases to amaze... Read More
One thing's for sure, in this day & age, if... Read More
There are several theories on the origins of Valentine's Day.... Read More
Is this even possible?Well hold on to your seat because... Read More
Many patients of gastric bypass report feeling fearful of succeeding... Read More
Information About Weight Training Routines For BeginnersSo you need to... Read More
I would like to introduce you to an incredible new... Read More
More likely than not a diet with end up a... Read More
Losing weight and keeping it off is much more than... Read More
Let me ask you a personal question. As you read... Read More
Weight Loss |