Home
>
Success
>
STOP Trying Harder

STOP Trying Harder

You've been searching for self improvement or personal development. Trying to increase your self esteem, achieve personal growth, have more happiness in your life ? or perhaps reach an important goal.

You're on a meaningful quest! But if you're running into problems and barriers ? it may come from something you were taught as a child! Do you remember being told: "Just try harder!"

Actually, that advice could well be the worst possible advice to drill into a child's head.

Are you surprised to hear that from a success coach? Aren't we *supposed* to keep on harder until we reach our goal.

Actually ?- NO!

Trying harder often just leads straight to failure.

I'd like to share a true personal story.

** A "Try Harder" True Story

I'm sitting in a screened porch in a peaceful little cabin by the shore of Lake Tahoe reading a book. It's a warm late August afternoon and very quiet ? except for an increasingly irritating "buzz-thump."

I look up and see a large fly desperately throwing itself at the window at the far end of the porch.

The fly has staked its life on a doomed strategy: Just try harder ? try harder ? try harder!

Obviously, the fly's goal-seeking behavior is not working! No matter how hard it throws itself at the glass, it can't escape.

Its efforts hold no hope for success.

I watch and wonder at the irony of its situation.

The little creature has literally staked its life on reaching its goal through determined raw effort! But its very struggle is a trap!

I look over at the open door just a few feet away. A short flight and it would be free. The possibility of a life-saving breakthrough was there. It would be so easy.

But the fly had made its commitment!

Why doesn't the creature explore its options, I wonder? Why doesn't it try something different? How did it get locked into one doomed course of action? Into just trying the same thing harder and harder.

The next morning I found the fly dead on the dusty window sill.

I was reminded of an earlier period in my own life. I had wanted to create a breakthrough in my own life. Like that fly, I too had tried harder and harder and harder ? until I finally had to give up in exhaustion.

Here's what I learned (the hard way):

Attempting to achieve a goal by trying the same thing harder and harder is usually a dead end approach!

First: The very word "try" indicates you actually expect failure (you're going to "try" to succeed.)

But if you already know an approach is failing, trying it harder won't get you anywhere!

You'll just fail harder!

Second: Failing again and again does NOT take you any closer to success. All it does is dampen your spirit and damage your self-confidence and self-esteem. And who needs that!

"So," you ask, "How else can I achieve my goals?"

The answer may lie in a pulling back and trying a completely different approach!

Think of that fly on the dusty window sill the next time you find yourself "efforting" to achieve a goal.

"Try harder" is just a big, fat lie that needs to be replaced witha different goal-directed tactic!

Think about it for a moment.

If you want something "new," you're going to have to "do" something new and different. Just doing the same thing will bring the same result. And if that result is failure, forget it!

Let go ? relax ? then try another approach! Sometimes just letting go will clear your mind to see a better way to get what you want.

The author, Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a doctor of psychology, pioneer brain/mind researcher, and former advisor to the Pentagon, a Presidential Commission, and numerous top executives and executive teams.

The author of several books and hundreds of articles, she is also the co-founder of quantum-self.com, and the Creative Director of the Self Discovery Community. She can be reached at: drjill@quantum-self.com

Come visit the exciting Self Discovery Community. Discover the most interesting, unusual, stimulating and creative methods of self discovery on the web today! Free sizzling weekly ezine, and the web's first Brain Gym ezone. drjill@quantum-self.com

scheduled cleaning services Northbrook ...

In The News:

Hurricane charity scams use data brokers and people search sites to target victims before storms even hit, exploiting personal information..

The Fox News AI Newsletter covers the latest artificial intelligence technology advancements, including the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Autonomous race cars hit Laguna Seca and Imola Circuit at speeds topping 157 mph, but the Abu Dhabi Autonomous Racing League faces a fan problem.

A LinkedIn romance scam cost Gaby close to $1 million after a scammer returned her first payment to build trust, then escalated requests over two years.

Safari's Notify Me can monitor websites for price changes and restocks, while new AI photo tools let you reframe and extend shots in iOS 27.

FLHSMV traced the Florida DMV breach to credentials from a Plant City Police Department user, but ShinyHunters claims over 200,000 driver records.

Tesla's Cybercab launched in Austin with no steering wheel or pedals, but hidden details about age limits and missing safety features may shock riders.

Moderna and Merck's Phase 3 melanoma vaccine trial showed positive results, but full data and FDA approval are still pending for the mRNA therapy.

Malwarebytes data reveals scam texts peak around noon ET with 874% higher volume than overnight, and Fridays bring roughly 50% more messages.

Over 5,400 legitimate websites now serve fake CAPTCHA scams that trick users into pasting malware commands into Windows Run via ClickFix attacks.

Tuya Smart's Doova AI home robot rolls to seniors who call for help and connects family via live video, but key privacy questions remain unanswered.

Jevon Martinez livestreamed himself removing 10 Flock Safety cameras in Bernalillo County, but authorities say eight belonged to neighborhood associations.

A dark web service called Nexus claimed to hold over 153 million driver's license records, and the FBI confirms it is now looking into the incident.

Asking Siri to call American Express connected an 82-year-old woman to a bogus number that nearly drained $100,000 from her Bank of America account.

The Fox News AI Newsletter covers the latest artificial intelligence technology advancements, including the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

iPhone Duo opens to a 7.6-inch foldable display starting at $1,999, but Siri Recap's ambient listening on Apple Watch may spark privacy concerns.

Homeowners' association meeting minutes and membership lists can expose names, addresses and emails that scammers use to craft convincing phishing scams.

Lima, Ohio, has installed 3,120 floating solar panels on its Twin Lakes Reservoir, projecting nearly $10 million in electricity cost savings.

Amazon's Alexa for Shopping now lets customers verify suspicious emails, texts and phone calls against the company's own communication records.

Lindsey Brooke Isaacs spent 13 days in jail after a Flock camera flagged her Dodge Durango near a fatal Florida crash that killed three people.

AI-powered smart grocery carts are linked to 32% higher spending, according to new research, as Instacart Caper Carts expand across U.S. stores.

A VPN encrypts your connection on hotel, airport and café Wi-Fi abroad, but streaming catalogs and live sports access still depend on provider rules.

Gmail's Verified Sender Program launches September 8, 2026, giving U.S. political committees a more reliable path to your personal email inbox.

Elroy Air's Chaparral can carry over 500 pounds and fly 450 miles without a runway, and the FAA just tested it under a new federal program.

Bedrock Robotics says its autonomous excavators are doing paid earthwork on active job sites in Texas and Nevada with no operator in the cab.

STOP Trying Harder

Success