As a child you probably learned failing is bad...
Failing meant being punished, whether it is being kept in for "remedial work" after school or having to repeat a year. Failing meant getting a dressing down from your parents, and some form of restriction on your activities until you 'knuckle down and start to get good grades'. So, a vital part of your learning tool kit was taken away from you.
What do I mean? Well, those people who learn most are the people for whom failing is okay.
All that failing does is show up those areas you have yet to master a particular skill, activity or subject. Full Stop.
On the other hand, all that achieving something does is show you have mastered this particular topic and you are ready to move on.
Chances are, you have watched a very young child learning to walk.
From checking out all these big people, our little one realises there are whole range of benefits from being able to walk upright, rather than crawling everywhere.
So she decides to try it out for herself.
She pulls herself upright on the coffee table and with a great amount of uncertainty puts one little chubby foot out and starts to transfer the weight from the back foot onto the front one.
But its very hard to balance on such a small area, particularly when the muscle tone isn't great, and she topples over and lands flat on her face.
Ouch! That hurt.
So after Mommy or Daddy have given her a cuddle and kissed it all better, she gets left to herself again.
What happens next? Well I'll tell you what doesn't happen.
Our little one does not crawl across into the corner and hang her head in shame, thinking "I blew it. I'm a failure. I'll never be able to walk" No. She hasn't learned that trick yet.
What happens is she tries it again, adjusting for the problem that happened last time.
So she pulls herself up on the coffee table again and this time over corrects and, boom, flat on her bottom. That's okay, well padded, didn't hurt. And she learns that if she is going to fall, its better to come down on her rear end than on her face.
So she tries it again, and again, and again until in a very short period of time she has mastered a very complex combination of balance and motion we call walking.
And she was able to do it because it was okay to fail.
She took her failures and her successes to achieve what she wanted. Fantastic.
But as she grows and becomes socialised, and learns that failing is bad, she becomes fearful of not making the grade first time every time. So she gives up trying new things. And irrational fear takes hold.
Now fear can be a good thing. Fear keeps us from venturing into situations that may be harmful for us. But it becomes bad when it stops us from achieving things in our lives we would otherwise be quite capable of doing.
Fear of failure is a classic blocking mechanism that stops us from living a fulfilled life.
Fear of rejection is another.
Fear of the unknown.
Even fear of success.
Fear of success? Yes, there are people who are afraid to become successful because they might not be able to handle it. They are afraid they will lose all their friends, that they won't know how to cope with all the decisions they will have to make, all the extra responsibility they will have. These people still see success as an end result, rather than a journey
And what happens if you do fail?
Is the world going to come crashing down around your ears?
Of course not.
Are you going to die?
Not likely.
In fact, failing simply tells you those areas where you have more opportunities to grow.
And if you learn anything from the experience, how could you consider it a failure?
Thomas Edison, the inventor to whom we are indebted for inventions such as the light globe and the phonograph was once asked how he coped with all his failures (he was unsuccessful in about 90% of the things he did) Edison's answer was quite profound. He said
"I have never failed. I have successfully learned what does not work!"
Make your standard for being successful very easy to achieve, you would also do well to make your standard for failure extremely difficult.
For me, failure is completely giving up on absolutely everything. Not even bothering to get out of bed. In essence, to stop living, without actually dying. To lose all interest in and contact with others and give up. Until I reach that point, and I never plan to get to that stage in my life, I do not consider myself a failure, Despite the disappointments, despite the "successful lessons in learning what does not work", despite the things that have gone badly, I continue to be successful.
And here's a closing though to ponder: you can't be a successful failure, because if you're good at failing at least you are successful at something!
Graham Hunt is the founder of Prentis Carpenter Center, an organisation established to resource an environment where people who choose to do so can discover and achieve their potential. One way in which Graham is doing that is through his website at http://www.higher-self-esteem-site.com/ Come visit anytime.
Chicago limo Skokie ..In my work with clients, the issue of perspectives comes... Read More
Let's get right to the point, folks.We're all looking to... Read More
Many of the problems we have with discipline are caused... Read More
One of the inevitabilities of University life is the examination.... Read More
To make change effective, you have to BE what you... Read More
Perfect the fine art of the end run From time... Read More
I would like to use this medium to introduce my... Read More
How many times have people asked you what you really... Read More
Q. My problem is that I have trouble keeping my... Read More
Most self-help truths are obvious but obvious truths are often... Read More
"You will be the same person in five years except... Read More
I remember, about 35 years ago, reading two books by... Read More
What would happen if you lived your life by design... Read More
The single most important quality you can ever develop that... Read More
Here is a great way to create affirmations that may... Read More
Being organised is a major step to success and the... Read More
Deep down, where it counts, many people do not believe... Read More
In the first part of this article you learned some... Read More
1. Clearly define what you want and what is most... Read More
Last month Along The Purpose Path was about how to... Read More
We are repeatedly told that we should forget about unpleasant... Read More
I am going to tell you something you already know... Read More
Hope you're having a GREAT Day!Last night I was reading... Read More
The problem with writing about success is that almost everything... Read More
If you are wishy-washy and undecided about you want and... Read More
limo O'Hare Bonfield ..In the first part of this article you learned some... Read More
So you want to be successful (whatever that means to... Read More
Did you know you can literally program your mind so... Read More
"If you can tell the world who you are and... Read More
The other day I went shopping at the local consumer... Read More
One of the inevitabilities of University life is the examination.... Read More
Read these four simple steps that reveal how... Read More
Two Immigrants Live The American DreamSome may call it a... Read More
Thoughts move faster than the speed of light.Expectations jump faster... Read More
Time taken for self-analysis is so important in developing your... Read More
It's not new news. It's not some ethereal theory. It's... Read More
What if I told you that you could be more... Read More
I call the following seven belief lies of success, taking... Read More
I was hired to do some training for a sales... Read More
The fastest way to succeeding in anything, be it online... Read More
Pain. All of us have felt that emotion some time... Read More
Personal power is an INSIDE JOB. It doesn't mean getting... Read More
Your personal image: It's the most important YOU asset you... Read More
About six years ago I began to study tai chi.... Read More
Napoleon Hill coined the concept of the mastermind alliance in... Read More
All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy... Read More
It was one of the worst periods of time in... Read More
Most of your behavior is determined by your habits. Everything... Read More
Most people want to be successful in life. But success... Read More
"When I think back on all the crap I learned... Read More
Success |