Picture this scene.
Your hero is sitting in a bar. He's thinking about things... life, death, taxes, the way he's being chased by a serial killer... whatever.
While he thinks, he sips his beer/Jim Beam/wine/etc.
Sip.
He thinks some more.
Sip.
He makes a casual comment to the barperson.
Sip.
He looks over his shoulder and sees the killer in the doorway and beats a hasty retreat to the men's.
Thank goodness. Because at least this means he leaves the darned drink behind!
Of course, the scene isn't written in quite such a bare-bones form as the one you see above. But the reader gets bored anyway. The problem is, the author hasn't made an effort to show the character doing something other than drinking. (Yes, I know that's probably why he's in the bar in the first place... but your job as the author is to think about what else he might be doing.)
Example
Tony sipped at his beer and thought about what to do next. The guy wasn't going to give up; that much was obvious. How come he knew so much? Where Tony worked, his weekend routine, his sister's address...
How the hell had he found out where Mandy lived? She'd only been there a month or so. He gulped down another mouthful of the beer. As though she hadn't suffered enough. Now this.
Of course, if he knew all that, he probably knew that this was where Tony came to drink, too. He could be out there right now, watching.
It was an effort not to turn and look towards the door. Instead, he tilted the glass and let the liquid flow down his throat. If he was out there, let him make the next move.
He caught the barman's eye, pointed a finger at the glass and nodded. If Tony sits here for much longer without any action, we're likely to watch while he sips the beer, swallows the beer, and gulps the beer. He'll drain the glass; tilt the glass and stare into the amber depths; idly swish the liquid around in the glass... do I need go on?
We've all seen scenes like this. They seem to happen when people are:
If they are in a restaurant, they "take a bite of" this and "spear another forkful" of that. You'll read lines like "he took another bite"; "he ate some more steak"; "he drank some more wine" ad nauseam.
You'll find characters drinking coffee, sipping it (again... a lot of sipping goes on in books); blowing on the coffee to cool it; stirring it; dropping lumps of sugar in it; adding cream or milk to it... until the reader feels like screaming "I KNOW HOW COFFEE IS MADE! I KNOW HOW TO DRINK IT TOO!"
You might be sitting there thinking: Well, so what? Isn't it logical that people would eat when they go to a restaurant? Shouldn't you show them having a drink?
Sure. That's fair enough. But once you show them having a sip of wine or a forkful of chicken schnitzel, stop.
Take a mental look around. (No, not around you. Around the setting in which you've placed your characters.)
The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay
It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the effort, the reader will be ready to lynch you.
We interact with our friends and families in many different ways. Next time you write a scene, try to steer away from the obvious. Look for details that will help you add depth to character, create humour or build suspense.
Not sure if you're guilty of 'the restaurant syndrome'?
Try this. Open up your word processor, access your story file and do a search for the following terms: sip/sipped/drank/coffee/drink
ate/forkful/bite/food If you come up with 156 instances of the word 'drank' or 'sipped', you might be in trouble :-) Time for a rewrite...
(c) Copyright Marg McAlister
Marg McAlister has published magazine articles, short stories, books for children, ezines, promotional material, sales letters and web content. She has written 5 distance education courses on writing, and her online help for writers is popular all over the world. Sign up for her regular writers' tipsheet at http://www.writing4success.com/
There is an image most people carry of the artist... Read More
The self-indulgent writer listens only to the mumblings of sycophants,... Read More
Great writing transports one vicariously to realms that the reader... Read More
9 out of 10 professionals and small business owners have... Read More
Our Image-Driven SocietyWe live in a new image-driven society. It... Read More
Imagine a three hundred page book was in the author's... Read More
If you find your sentences filled with commas, and they... Read More
Creative Writing Tips ?Your theme has to be something you... Read More
My Dad has this old joke that goes, "What's the... Read More
Be careful when you write.Words you use, sentences you phrase... Read More
"This is just brilliant. The whole interview is incredible? I'm?... Read More
To help build your profile and reputation within a large... Read More
Why is it that so many people don't take writing-as-a-job... Read More
Open up your favorite calendar and circle today's date.Why? Because... Read More
Writing papers and book reports has long been the bane... Read More
Lately I've been noticing an odd trend amongst the freelance... Read More
At some point along the way, most of us have... Read More
While novels do not usually attempt to convey concepts about... Read More
Ever wonder what an author's life is like? What that... Read More
William Faulkner, the great Mississippi writer, said, "The tools I... Read More
There are three ways to write a first draft. One... Read More
Writers are often are greatly surprised or disappointed by how... Read More
This article contains a short guide on how to edit... Read More
List-making is a favorite journaling technique and is often used... Read More
You can turn your $200 fee to write a press... Read More
People familiar with the Myers-Briggs Personality test know that the... Read More
If you want happy customers to use your service or... Read More
What's the best way to plot?Quick answer: the best way... Read More
Great business writers combine narrative skills with sound judgment to... Read More
At some point, every serious writer is forced to sit... Read More
9 out of 10 professionals and small business owners have... Read More
Becoming an author is probably a lot easier than you... Read More
A good white paper is a paper that makes you... Read More
Creative Writing Tips ?I have said above that if a... Read More
Want to write an article or book, but are stuck... Read More
LATER, LATTERLater means afterwards; latter is the second of two... Read More
If your writing muscle isn't in shape, writing a novel... Read More
Quite a few years ago, I enrolled in a Degree... Read More
Each author has special editing needs. To save yourself time... Read More
What is a freelance grant writer? These individuals have a... Read More
Here's something from my mailbag. "Dear Michael, do you need... Read More
In one of the exercises in my "Getting Started as... Read More
You're writing a story set in your local city, but... Read More
The process of developing a working title for your nonfiction... Read More
(Skip directly to ten for the fastest shortcut!)Like any field,... Read More
There are a lot of tapes and books and CD... Read More
We've all heard a politician on their soapbox, pushing for... Read More
"You should write a book." For years, I had been... Read More
Any article, report or book which is bought or sold... Read More
In the current job market, many editorial workers have turned... Read More
Writing |