Home
>
Writing
>
Writing Technique: The Restaurant Syndrome

Writing Technique: The Restaurant Syndrome

Picture this scene.

Your hero is sitting in a bar. He's thinking about things... life, death, taxes, the way he's being chased by a serial killer... whatever.

While he thinks, he sips his beer/Jim Beam/wine/etc.

Sip.

He thinks some more.

Sip.

He makes a casual comment to the barperson.

Sip.

He looks over his shoulder and sees the killer in the doorway and beats a hasty retreat to the men's.

Thank goodness. Because at least this means he leaves the darned drink behind!

Of course, the scene isn't written in quite such a bare-bones form as the one you see above. But the reader gets bored anyway. The problem is, the author hasn't made an effort to show the character doing something other than drinking. (Yes, I know that's probably why he's in the bar in the first place... but your job as the author is to think about what else he might be doing.)

Example

Tony sipped at his beer and thought about what to do next. The guy wasn't going to give up; that much was obvious. How come he knew so much? Where Tony worked, his weekend routine, his sister's address...

How the hell had he found out where Mandy lived? She'd only been there a month or so. He gulped down another mouthful of the beer. As though she hadn't suffered enough. Now this.

Of course, if he knew all that, he probably knew that this was where Tony came to drink, too. He could be out there right now, watching.

It was an effort not to turn and look towards the door. Instead, he tilted the glass and let the liquid flow down his throat. If he was out there, let him make the next move.

He caught the barman's eye, pointed a finger at the glass and nodded. If Tony sits here for much longer without any action, we're likely to watch while he sips the beer, swallows the beer, and gulps the beer. He'll drain the glass; tilt the glass and stare into the amber depths; idly swish the liquid around in the glass... do I need go on?

We've all seen scenes like this. They seem to happen when people are:

in a bar or club drinking
in a restaurant eating
in a kitchen making & drinking coffee or tea

If they are drinking, they continually sip/slurp/drink/drain glasses etc.

If they are in a restaurant, they "take a bite of" this and "spear another forkful" of that. You'll read lines like "he took another bite"; "he ate some more steak"; "he drank some more wine" ad nauseam.

You'll find characters drinking coffee, sipping it (again... a lot of sipping goes on in books); blowing on the coffee to cool it; stirring it; dropping lumps of sugar in it; adding cream or milk to it... until the reader feels like screaming "I KNOW HOW COFFEE IS MADE! I KNOW HOW TO DRINK IT TOO!"

You might be sitting there thinking: Well, so what? Isn't it logical that people would eat when they go to a restaurant? Shouldn't you show them having a drink?

Sure. That's fair enough. But once you show them having a sip of wine or a forkful of chicken schnitzel, stop.

Take a mental look around. (No, not around you. Around the setting in which you've placed your characters.)

Who else is there? What are they doing?
What else is going on around the main character(s)?
What mood is the main character in? How can you show this by actions other than eating or drinking?
How might the conversation lead to other actions taken by the main character?
Can you think of a twist that would lead to extra suspense or humour in a commonplace setting?
Is the character uncomfortable for some reason, so this discomfort becomes the main focus of his/her attention? (e.g. tight new clothes, an unfamiliar pain or ache, a headache, an allergy to the other person's perfume or aftershave?)

Once you start thinking, there are many, many other things that you can show your characters doing. Use them to your advantage.

The Restaurant Syndrome on Replay

It's bad enough having one scene in which a character is continually sipping or 'taking another bite' of something. But when you have that character forever going to the same place to repeat the effort, the reader will be ready to lynch you.

Do you have your characters continually talking over coffee?
How many scenes are there in which you send your characters out to eat or drink?

Remember that most of us squeeze a lot into our days. We move around the house, we drive from A to B, we go shopping, take out the garbage and go to the movies.

We interact with our friends and families in many different ways. Next time you write a scene, try to steer away from the obvious. Look for details that will help you add depth to character, create humour or build suspense.

Not sure if you're guilty of 'the restaurant syndrome'?

Try this. Open up your word processor, access your story file and do a search for the following terms: sip/sipped/drank/coffee/drink

ate/forkful/bite/food If you come up with 156 instances of the word 'drank' or 'sipped', you might be in trouble :-) Time for a rewrite...

Marg McAlister has published magazine articles, short stories, books for children, ezines, promotional material, sales letters and web content. She has written 5 distance education courses on writing, and her online help for writers is popular all over the world. Sign up for her regular writers' tipsheet at http://www.writing4success.com/

shuttle to Midway Beardstown .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

The FBI has issued a warning that scammers are impersonating doctors, police and banks using spoofed numbers as "smishing" texts surge nationwide.

Communities with unreliable internet service stand to gain after Amazon's Project Kuiper launched its first full batch of satellites into orbit April 28.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says unsubscribing from spam might actually backfire. Learn when to avoid it and stop junk effectively.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how the first nonstop beating heart transplant, called zero ischemic time, at Taiwan hospital changes surgery.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson: FBI warns of "time-traveling" hackers.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about a soft, vine-like robot called SPROUT that aids safe survivor rescues in collapsed buildings.

Health insurance giant Blue Shield of California confirmed it had been sharing private health data of 4.7 million users with Google for three years without even realizing it.

Delta and JetZero’s blended wing body aircraft marks a meaningful step toward a cleaner, quieter and more efficient future for air travel.

Recent reports show many common passwords can be cracked in literally seconds. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how to strengthen your passwords.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Iron, a robot that stands 5 feet, 8 inches tall and weighs 154 pounds, combines advanced artificial intelligence with human-like movement and exceptional vision.

Hertz, the rental car giant, recently confirmed that customer information was exposed through a cyberattack on one of its software vendors.

There are a number of features with AirPods you may or may not know about to take your listening experience to the next level. Kurt the CyberGuy explains.

These 35 Chrome extensions have privacy and security concerns. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says to delete them now.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 329,000 mph fusion rocket promises to be fast, disruptive and enable deep-space missions.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says a new autonomous AI is a game changer that also raises privacy risks. Is your data safe?

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says robots and drones are revolutionizing fruit farming with faster picking and smarter handling.

Landmark Admin revises May 2024 cyberattack scope to show twice as many people were affected. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives tips to help stay safe from an insurance data breach.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how Yamaha’s hydrogen outboard motor could revolutionize boating with zero emissions.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how to memorialize or remove a deceased loved one’s Facebook account and protect their digital legacy from misuse or scams.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says an Apple Watch saved psychiatrist Amanda Faulkner by detecting deadly leukemia early.

Scammers and fraudsters are increasingly targeting the most vulnerable, especially nursing homes and the personal data of their residents. Kurt the CyberGuy has safety tips.

Infected USB flash drives can spread malware among multiple organizations in ways that can easily bypass traditional security systems.

With a fully automated warehouse system and AI-powered robots, Ocado's Hive picks, packs and delivers grocery store orders in just a few minutes.