Have you ever noticed how we keep falling into the same holes and ruts in life? We know something doesn't work and yet we keep doing the same things over and over again.
Have you ever wondered why we do this? And more importantly, how do we stop doing it, how do we stop "digging"? And how do we get out?
As I've studied and searched over the years for ways to help people get the changes they want, quickly, gently and effectively, I've stumbled across a poem that seems to capture well the process of change.
It's called "An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters." I wish I knew who the author is, I want to thank the person. Let's look at each of these chapters, and what they have to teach us about the process of change.
Chapter One - "I walk down the road. There's a big a hole in the road. I don't see it. I fall in. It's not my fault. It's dark and scary. It takes me a long time to get out."
We've all had the experience of winding up in a hole and wondering how we got there. It seems like we were minding our own business, and all of a sudden we wind up in a situation we never intended. Or as Jimmy Buffet once sang, "......trying to figure out how I ever got here."
Chapter Two - "I walk down the road. There's a big a hole in the road. I don't see it. I fall in. It's not my fault. It's dark and scary. It takes me less time to get out."
Here we go again. If the first time came as a surprise, this is getting to be a habit, or a pattern.
Denial and blame tend to show up at this point in the game. Denial says "what do you mean, what's my part?" Blame says "someone else did this to me, and just wait until I find them!"
At this point we are still digging the hole, and are just not aware of it yet. This is where the rut begins. It's important to remember that "the only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions."
Chapter Three - "I walk down the road. There's a big a hole in the road. I see it. I fall in anyway. Maybe I've got something to do with this. It's dark and scary. I get out."
Don'tcha just hate it when you know better, you even know you know better, and yet you wind up in the same place again.
Here's when change can begin to occur, because we begin to see our part in the problem. Good questions to ask are -
What's my part in this? What am I willing to do to change this? What am I willing to stop doing to change this?
It's also important to remember my favorite definition of stuck is "when we keep doing the same things over and over again and expect different results."
Chapter 4 - "I walk down the road. There's a big a hole in the road. I see it. I walk around it."
Good job! You're starting to pay attention, and make progress. Here's the not so good news. It's not enough. "What do you mean, it's not enough? Didn't I stay away from the hole?"
Yes, you did. And while that's good, in the words of southern rock group Molly Hatchet, your "flirtin' with disaster."
"Why is that?"
Because you are still on the same road, and human nature has a curious feature. We tend to forget how bad things were, and we can fall into the trap of checking out the hole "just one more time", just to make sure it was really that bad. Like an alcoholic in a bar or a dieter at an all you can eat buffet, you are flirting with disaster.
Chapter Five - "I walk down a different road."
While chapters one through four do involve some amount of change, it's still not real change. There's lots of movement and things may even look different, but it's still "change without change."
The real change, that is transformation, can go something like this four step process -
1 - you do the same thing again and then realize it afterwards
2 - you do the same thing again and realize it while you are doing it
3 - you realize you are about to do the same thing before you do it, and do something different
4 - you automatically do something different
The beauty of "walking down a different road" is that transformation has taken place. Not only do you no longer fall in the old holes, you find that you don't even want to. They no longer hold any interest or attraction for you.
Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
shuttle from Midway Glen Ellyn ..Amazing thing, overwhelm!You don't usually see it coming. It just... Read More
Question 1"How do I get more time to play?"Answer: Schedule... Read More
We all know what it's like coming home from a... Read More
Are you feeling stressed out? Too many things to do,... Read More
Take a moment to think about the week that just... Read More
Q. So many times in my life, I seem to... Read More
Tough leaders are usually seen as ogres. Their exacting demands... Read More
It is an inescapable fact, we live in a stressful... Read More
Raise your hand if you have ever been rejected by... Read More
Why do we resist change? As the saying goes, the... Read More
Deceiving? You bet they are. How? Without your even knowing... Read More
Meditation seems to have arrived in the mainstream of late,... Read More
We all know that stress levels in the workplace are... Read More
WHAT THE RESEARCH SAYSExperts in the stress management field have... Read More
To be a safe and predictable person for those around... Read More
Have you recently moved or started a new job? Do... Read More
But how can this happen to someone?Let's concentrate on how... Read More
A stressless lifestyle? That's very easy to say. Yet it... Read More
I recently received this e-mail message about stress management (author... Read More
A grandfather, whose grandson came to him angry at a... Read More
If you're like most people, you have your bouts of... Read More
Do you attack problems and solve them or do you... Read More
Fear, and its accompanying seriousness, causes our suffering. Fear restricts... Read More
I hope by reading this article you will see the... Read More
Ask a hundred different people how to deal with stress... Read More
shuttle from O'Hare North Chicago ..The future is nothing but a fantasy or a daydream,... Read More
Modern stress is habitual, and is something that the vast... Read More
Whether we are at work, traveling, or at home, we've... Read More
To combat modern day stressors, you need to realize that... Read More
Do you get out of your car with a queasy... Read More
Probably the least appreciated form of stress is college stress.... Read More
STRESS & TIME MANAGEMENT: Stress is either the source or... Read More
Today we have more stress in our lives than ever... Read More
Aromatherapy is very therapeutic when it comes to healing emotional... Read More
When it is all said and done, do you feel... Read More
Learn to have healthy relationships:This subject could fill an entire... Read More
Here's a fun little experiment:Take a few seconds and look... Read More
We so often take the feelings of happiness and saddness... Read More
"Let your mind be quiet, realizing the beauty of the... Read More
Imagine driving down the road. You are driving with a... Read More
When a great Zen Master returned to his country after... Read More
Stress ReliefStress is a big business in Western society. We... Read More
Quote of the week"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Leonardo da... Read More
Stress is more than just unpleasant. It's dangerous. Try these... Read More
Everyone experiences stress at some point in their life. In... Read More
If you are an anxiety and panic sufferer, then you've... Read More
Don't let stress wear you down. Next time you are... Read More
Q: "My career, though very very stressful, is one that... Read More
ResentmentsA wise friend once said that holding onto resentments is... Read More
The moment I read the story I'm about to share... Read More
Stress Management |